A Treatise on the Proper Usage of Projectile Weapons
by summerhuntresses
Summary: (Or, why Elyza Lex never meets the parents.)
(or, why Elyza Lex never meets the parents.)

It never should have happened.

Honestly, Alicia knew better. She'd been surviving on her own for over a week, looking for Nick and the rest of them, but there had been a horde passing through the town she was holed up in the night before and she hadn't slept at all. The next day she was wrecked, stumbling around like a walker herself and walking into things often.

She had never done well without sleep.

It was inevitable, really. She had been heading for a convenience store to stock up, slammed her shoulder into a street sign, and just groaned in frustration. Totally normal. Commonplace, really, if pathetic.

Of course, that was in the old world. In the new world, she looked like nothing more than a walker. The only surprising thing to happen to her that day was that the bullet only hit her arm, not her heart or her head.

It slammed into her upper arm and lodged there, sending her spinning to the ground in shock. Her conscious brain was completely taken over by a chorus of _what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck._ She didn't realize that she was actually voicing those thoughts aloud until a new voice echoed her, the thick accent and minor panic breaking her from her trance.

Steps thudded heavily on the concrete, drawing Alicia's gaze to a blonde girl in leather pants and aviator shades sprinting towards her. Alicia made a faint attempt to draw the spiked bat she had strapped to her back, but a wave of pain shot through her arm and she froze.

The blonde arrived at a run, crashing to her knees next to Alicia and continuing to swear. "What the fuck, you're not a Z, _fuck_." Her hands darted all over the brunette, touching lightly and making sure there weren't any other injuries she could see. She yanked a bag off of her shoulder, ripping the zipper open and digging through it frantically. She came up with a handful of Alicia didn't even know what, only recognizing the roll of bandages.

Alicia stared at her. Was that _war paint_ on her face? And how was her hair so _shiny?_ Absently she wondered how soft it would feel under her fingers.

"What the fuck were you bloody thinking, you utter cuntmonkey, shuffling around like that? It's like you fucking _wanted_ me to fucking shoot you, you twat!" The stream of curses never stopped, not even as the blonde gently spread a cream over the wound and wrapped it up. Alicia was impressed. Some of them were new to her; she made a mental note to remember them for when she found Nick.

A sharp jerk drew a curse of her own from her lips. The blonde had tied off the bandage and sat back on her heels, finally quiet. She looked from Alicia's bat to her overstuffed bag to the deep circles under her eyes, raising an eyebrow when she caught a glimpse of the phone poking from her jean pocket.

Flushing, Alicia scrambled to her feet, ignoring the pain that pulsed like fire down her arm. For the first time in almost a month she was painfully aware of how filthy she was. At least her family had been just as dirty as her - the blonde looked clean enough to eat.

Off of, eat _off of_ , god she needed sleep.

The blonde stood up as well, raising her aviators and revealing a pair of the bluest eyes Alicia had ever seen. The other girl smirked, trailing her eyes down Alicia blatantly, only looking up after nearly ten seconds.

"Thank fuck I missed. It'd be a shame to kill such a gorgeous girl."

Alicia blinked.

Then blinked again.

Then turned around and started walking. The rendezvous point was only twenty minutes by foot, less if she walked quickly. She had _far_ better things to do than to sit around and get objectified by some asshole Australian who had fucking _shot her_.

No matter how shiny her hair was. Or how blue her eyes were. Or how phenomenal her tits were.

"Aw, shit, I'm sorry!" The blonde hurried to catch up with her, fumbling behind her to scoop up her bag with a soft curse. "Please wait!"

The 'please' was what got her, desperate and sincere in a way that was impossible to fake. Rolling her eyes, Alicia stopped, putting a hand on her hip as she waited impatiently. "Look, jackoff, I've got places to be and people to find. Give me one good reason why I should stick around for your trigger-happy ass."

Zipping her backpack up, the blonde strode up next to her. She met Alicia's eyes and stuck her hand out. "First off, my name's Elyza. Elyza Lex. And I am so fucking sorry for shooting you." She paused, then added, "But in my defense, you really did look like a Z. You even sounded like one when you hit that pole."

Alicia huffed. "It's hard to function properly on no sleep, you-" She cut herself off and sighed. "Alicia. I'm Alicia. And I suppose I can forgive you, seeing as how you patched me up, as long as you never fucking do it again." She raised an eyebrow and waited for Elyza's nod before taking the offered hand.

A spark shot through her. She sucked a breath in, clasping Elyza's hand gently and forgetting to actually shake it. She dropped her gaze to their joined hands, and when she raised her eyes to Elyza's she was struck by how dark the blue had gotten.

The moment was broken when Elyza smirked, tightening her grip on Alicia and pulling her into her body. "Maybe this won't be such a bad day after all, princess."

Alicia rolled her eyes but didn't bother to extricate herself from the blonde's arms. "Someone thinks highly of herself." She leaned in, breathing her next words directly into Elyza's ear.

"You couldn't handle me even on your best day, you cocky prick."

She felt Elyza shudder and pulled back with a smirk of her own, deftly freeing herself from the rapidly tightening embrace and swinging her bag back over her shoulder. "Thanks for the save, but I gotta get going." She paused. "Actually, no, I take it back, you know, since you were the one that shot me and all. Thanks for the entertainment, though." Her lip quirked, eyes going straight to the blonde's ass.

Elyza _growled_ , pulling her back in and wrapping an arm around her waist. "I'll show you entertainment, you-"

Lips cut her off, Alicia lunging forward and smashing their mouths together. A moan worked its way up Elyza's throat, slipping into Alicia's mouth and fading. Elyza dropped her bag and shoved Alicia bodily backwards, colliding with the wall of the run-down building behind her. A hand on the back of her head saved her from a nasty concussion, but the rest of Elyza's kiss was rough and hungry.

Another hand fumbled at Alicia's waistband, flicking the button on her jeans and slipping under her pants and panties at once. Alicia let the questing fingers find their mark, slipping over her clit with a moan from the brunette, but after a minute she grabbed Elyza's wrist.

The blonde looked up at her, removing her mouth from where it was latched onto Alicia's throat with a slick pop. "Are you okay?"

The question earned Elyza a soft kiss for her consideration, but Alicia drew back after a second and smirked again, removing her hands from the blonde's ass and using them to shove her down.

Laughing softly, Elyza complied and dropped to her knees. "Aren't we bossy, you fucking princess?"

She stole Alicia's reply away with a sharp yank on her jeans, tugging them down to her knees and shoving her face roughly between them. Alicia's head dropped back with a moan at the first swipe of Elyza's tongue, heat rippling up her spine and lightning flashing back down from where her head hit the wall.

Elyza looked up, meeting Alicia's eyes and smirking in a way she couldn't see, but _god_ could she feel it. Two long fingers probed at her entrance, circling and dipping in ever so slightly but never as far as she wanted.

" _God_ , Elyza, just fucking _do it-"_ The rest of her sentence was lost in a long, drawn-out moan as Elyza thrust one, then two, then three fingers deep inside her, sucking hard on her clit at the same time. Alicia panted and moaned, reveling in the stretch and the slight burn, hands clawing at the wall and then Elyza's hair, grabbing hard and yanking.

The blonde gasped and moaned, the tip of a canine grazing Alicia's clit and making her yelp. Elyza tried to draw back, fingers stilling inside her, but Alicia bent at the waist and curled around the blonde's head, shoving her face back into her hard.

"Don't you dare fucking stop." A muffled chuckle floated up to her ears and her fingers started to move again, picking up the pace and slamming into her almost violently. " _Oh_ \- oh _fuck-"_

A curl of Elyza's tongue around her clit had her swearing hard, and she almost lost it when the blonde raked her free hand down her side, shoving under Alicia's shirt and scratching _hard_. Lightning jumped from the scratches straight to her clit, making her abs clench even harder and her breath come out in short, sharp sobs.

Elyza sped up even further, sucking harshly on her clit. She drew back a fraction of an inch to lock eyes with Alicia and ask, "What do you need, princess?"

Alicia panted, whined, and managed to choke out, " _More_ , goddamnit."

Chuckling, the blonde nudged Alicia's clit with her nose, then worked her face down to lick around where her fingers still worked inside the other girl.

Alicia's breath stuttered, but the press of cold steel against her thigh made her stop breathing altogether. Blue eyes gazed up at her, a question evident in them and in the way the hunting knife rested completely immobile against her skin. She took a deep breath, let it out, took another, and nodded.

The smirk returned, and that hot mouth sealed itself around her clit. The fingers inside her thrust up _hard_ , curled harshly, and dragged back down, brushing over spongy flesh as they did. Teeth nipped the base of her clit, and a stripe of pain burned down her thigh at a glacial pace.

Alicia felt herself tip over the edge into the single most intense orgasm she had ever had, wave after wave rippling up her spine. Her vision went white, and she felt Elyza double the suction on her clit. The knife still rested on her thigh but it had stilled.

"Alicia?"

The familiar voice startled her into straightening and shoved Elyza's fingers _hard_ into her front walls. Her eyes opened right as her second orgasm hit her, meeting her mother's horrified gaze even as her knees buckled.

Elyza dropped the knife, catching her deftly and easing her down. "Whoa, I gotcha." She eased her fingers out of the blonde gently, kissing her forehead when the brunette whimpered. "You okay?" She lowered her voice. "Do you trust them?"

Alicia smiled and nodded, touched by Elyza's concern. She fumbled weakly with her jeans, trying to at least pull them back up, and Elyza batted her hands away and did it herself, shielding the brunette's body from view as she did so.

She met Alicia's eyes, gratitude obvious in them.

" _Alicia!"_ Madison yanked Elyza back by her collar, putting her body between the two girls and glaring. "What did she _do_ to you, sweetheart?"

Groaning, Alicia levered herself to her feet, wincing as she put pressure on her injured arm, the pain returning in a sudden burst. "It's fine, mom, she's cool."

"Fine? _Cool?"_ Madison whirled around and Elyza mouthed ' _mom?'_ over the woman's shoulder. Alicia grimaced. "You're injured, obviously in pain, and she had a _knife_ on you! How is that _fine?"_

Alicia met her mother's gaze with absolutely no emotion. "I asked her to? God, mom, you'd think for a counselor you'd understand consent."

Elyza snorted, clapping a hand over her mouth and looking away when Madison jerked around to glare daggers at her.

"And as for the injury, Elyza saved my life." Madison turned back to her and narrowed her eyes, mimicked almost comically by how Elyza's widened. Alicia nodded authoritatively. "Three scavengers tried to take my pack and grab me. Elyza scared them off, but not before one of them shot me. She patched me up right away." Alicia cocked an eyebrow at her mother. "You should be thanking her, you know. It's only _polite._ "

Madison huffed, her glare not abating at all. She turned around to face Elyza again, words coming out begrudgingly. "Thank you for saving my daughter. I'm sorry we inconvenienced you. We have to go now. Good luck."

Alicia slipped around her, coming to stand next to Elyza and wrap an arm around her waist. "Actually, mom," she began, feeling Elyza throw her arm around her shoulders, careful to avoid the bullet wound, "Elyza should come with us. She offered to patch me up better once we got out of the open."

Madison raised an eyebrow. "Out of the open, huh?"

Elyza stifled a snort. "Yep. I'm a trained medic. Pretty good with my hands, you know." Madison's face began to turn red and Elyza hurried to continue. "Don't want Alicia to get an infection because no one removed the bullet, right?" She tightened her grip around Alicia's shoulders, hugging the girl to her side.

A shout from across the street drew all their gazes. Nick and Travis were waving from the top of the convenience store and pointing behind them. Faint moaning could be heard now that they concentrated, along with the distinctive shuffle of the undead. Madison clenched her jaw. "Fine. Elyza comes. We've got an open couch in the game room. Now let's go."

They all broke into a jog, the girls separating and grabbing their respective bags. Elyza tossed Alicia her forgotten bat, discarded after their first kiss.

They made it to the docks with no problem, following Nick and Travis up the gangplank at top speed. As they cast off, Alicia grabbed Elyza's hand and dragged her belowdecks. "Don't be stupid, mom, she'll stay with me. Gotta keep the patient happy, you know?"

Leaving Madison spluttering behind them, they ran down the hallway laughing hysterically. Travis could be heard faintly asking Madison what was happening, and that only made Alicia laugh harder.

As they reached the game room, they found Nick sprawled over one of the couches, Ofelia across from them and a deck of cards between them. The second Nick laid eyes on Elyza he shot upright, hand going to smooth his hair as the other stuck out in front of him.

"Hi. Hello. I'm Nick. Clark. Nick Clark. Alicia's brother. Who are you?"

Elyza grinned at him. "Hey, Nick Clark. I'm more interested in your sister."

Nick collapsed back into the couch, wide eyes darting between the two girls. "...oh."

Alicia laughed and tugged Elyza into moving again, high-giving Ofelia as she passed the other girl and waving behind her to acknowledge the older girl's call for gossip at a later date. They tripped into Alicia's room, first slamming the door and then slamming Elyza against the door. "You know, I think that went well."

Elyza flat out laughed. "You think that went _well?_ Princess, that was-"

A knee pressed between her legs. "It went well. I think that deserves a reward, don't you?" Alicia nudged Elyza's head upwards, nipping along the column of her throat.

" _Oh_ , yeah, that went _great_ , princess, just-"

"Stop talking."

No one saw either girl for the rest of the day.


End file.
